I like it cause it's hard.

Teamwork

So today I was at Barnes & Noble in Union square looking to pick up some books for the away shoot that I will be on for the next five weeks. I decided to casually browse around for an hour even though I knew that I was eventually just going to pick up some more Eggers or Didion. By the time I got to the third floor I had worked up an appetite. I noticed the cafe with all of its delectable little pastries, and I thought that I would just quickly browse around and then head over to get a sweet treat.

I then noticed that I had stumbled into: THE CRAZY DIET BOOK SECTION!

1. I saw a diet book that swore by maple syrup and lemon water...hello Lindsey, Nichole, Mary Kate and Ashley. Your secret is out!

2. I was no longer hungry but felt guilty for wanting to eat amongst all these "thinner, leaner, lighter, the only way you will find a mate is if you almost look like your starving" books.

3. Who was the moron that put the diet book section right outside the cafe?


For real? Does Barnes & Noble actually want to sell any of its sweet treats? Cause they should really consider putting the diet books in the basement. Then I got to thinking...

Who designed the layout...cause I would put money on it that it was a man.


Let me just preface this by saying: I am not a man-hater.

I gots to thinkin' about teamwork. I bet it wasn't just one man who decided to put the diet books next to the cafe, I bet it was a team of men. It's not there fault that they don't think like women. They can't. It's impossible! But for real lay-out-designery-type-peeps, put a woman on the team! Or put two, I guarantee that if we different sexes can work together we won't have a diet book/cafe adjacent issue again. And then I will be able to enjoy a damn cookie without feeling like a Heffer cow.

Teamwork.

This is why I'm single

Dear boy missing BVD's,

Thank you for depositing your darling underwear in my building hallway. You have a really small butt! I think your underwear is the same size as the underwear that I used to wear circa 1992. I guess that I'm not the best bar of comparison however. But really I bet you are hungry, we do live in Bushwick where all the hungry artists live. Here's some advice; don't skip lunch tomorrow to buy paint. Instead skip lunch to buy some new undies!

Also thank you for reminding me why I am single, because as disgusting as your underwear is in my hallway I might be more traumatized by seeing you in it!

Much love your gladly single, hispter-man-less neighbor in 307.

The New Alternative to Plastic Surgery

Actually I think it just makes you lighter? Less change in the wallet = less LBS.

Nice try West Village coffee shop...you almost had me.

Faaav Graffito of the Week.

These guys have appeared all over the hood lately, and there is a humongous one outside our windows that I just love to death. They make me wax nostalgic about the Sesame Street space aliens that Kermit would interview in his cute khaki "News Caster Kermie" outfit.


"Yup yup yup yup yupyupyupyup...No no no nonono nopenopenopenope nope."

The Living Room

While I was strolling around Union Square on my day off I found myself sauntering up to two adorable old men.

Picture 80-something grandfather types. They had their suspenders, and their dandy Easter Sunday looking straw hats with piped ribbon just above the brim. Their shirts were tucked into their adorable Docker shorts that were pulled far too high. Each of them carried their own lawn chair as they waddled slowly down University towards 14th street.

Besides their adorably un-dapper attire I couldn't help but listen to their rich Long Island accents as these two old fogies strolled into New York's Living room, Union Square.

Taller Old Man: "So you'll never believe this."

Short Old Man: "Whaaaaaaauuuuuttttt?"

T.O.M.: " It was only fouuuuurrrrteeeeen ninety fiiiiiIIIIIvvvvveeee for a year long subscription."

S.O.M.: "You're kidden me! Only fouurrrrrtttteeeennnnn ninety fiiiiIIIIIvvvveee?"

T.O.M.:"Yeah, who knew?"

S.O.M.:"A whole year?(in total disbelief.) Wow! A year subscription to Playboy for only fooouuurrrteeeeen nintey FiiiiIIIIvvvveeeee!"

T.O.M.: " It must be from all the advertisements."

S.O.M.: " Wow. A whole year. I can't imagine."


They strolled on into the park. I smiled, looked around and hoped that someone else had heard this. But I was alone in the moment. Just me and the Grandpa's, talking about Playboy in the living room.

I love New York.

Hey Hey Hey Hey! Guess What?

I'm starting a new site- this (The New Phase) will stay and be all my little New York stories and anecdotes- but I think it's time to launch the new one that I have been mulling over for a while-

Vidjablog!!!!

I am going to put all my film theory and production knowledge to use! I am going to be writin' all about movies - new and old- and I want all the great and awful film suggestions I can get! Throw them at me- and yeah- get pumped- I am- I need to get my analytical mind refreshed and re-edjucated!