How many licks does it take?

So about the New Phase...that whole “turn over a new leaf” concept that seems to work out really well for born again Christians. Maybe I need to have a word them and their ability to keep the faith since over the last week I have fallen off the "New Phase" wagon. I am struggling to strike the balance between the new life and the old…where exactly does the buck stop? Where do I draw the line in the sand (or concrete jungle of New York) between what works and what doesn’t? How do I bring the “not so good” to a screeching halt when it seems to force its ugly head into my life repeatedly?

It has also occurred to me that old habits are becoming a real issue. We have all reached an age when the past, for the first time, can haunt us. Our lives have become more complex over the past decade. Daily issues no longer involve Barbie’s head falling off. The previous phases of life are actually able to manifest themselves as an emotional epidemic. With this little epidemic comes a whole laundry list of symptoms and ailments that get dragged around from relationship to the next. Does freedom from previous phases diseases only come with an entire shift in routine? If so how does one obtain such a dramatic shift?

The word Routine; it has a comforting ring to it don't you think? It sounds like a guarantee; a guarantee that will certainly bring relaxation and promise. There will be no unexpected and uncomfortable moments. Perhaps not everyone views this as bliss, but in the past(the previous phase) I liked to be able to KNOW what going to happen AT ALL TIMES. Call me a control maniac, but you have to admit sometimes it would be nice to know the following things:


1.Will the train come right away? Or will I wait for a few minutes?
2. Will I make it to work on time?
3.What the Hell is going on in Minnesota right now?
4.Will I ever actually achieve anything at work?
5.Will I ever be able to pay my bills?
6.Which day this week will I get my period?
7.Why does the cute boy at work flirt with me, does that mean: A) He is a flirt. B) He is interested. C) He is a big tease...just like me.
8. Will I ever meet a man in New York that does not have the attention span of a fruit fly?

I think ultimately I am just looking for some kind of an answer. In which case I should just buy a magic eight ball to solve my problems. I would guesstimate the eight ball would predict the following to the previous questions:

1. Signs point to yes.
2. Outlook good.
3. Reply hazy, try again later.
4. Cannot predict now.
5. Don't count on it.
6. Today.
7. C) He is a flirt...and a young boy and he's just not that into you.
8. Incorrect usage of the word “man.” Boy’s are fruit flies. A man is more like a horse fly, bigger, stronger, more impressive and when he does land on you his bite really stings.

(Maybe men should be avoided as well?)

Yes, that is pretty accurate, maybe I shook the proverbial eight ball a little too hard for answer's 6, 7 and 8, but that is what they would be if the eight ball could actually predict the future. I guess if this is so ostensible why should I have so much churning in my mind? What is the need for all the worry and the wanting, wanting, wanting to know what is going to happen?

Since I started this New Phase I have wanted to keep myself on track, doing healthier, and more exciting things. Which for the most part I am accomplishing...BUT...and there is always a “but,” I noticed myself slip into an old nasty habit last weekend.

I kissed my ex.

My nasty habit got me thinking about post relationship epidemics. Those nasty little post-flirtation, post-fling and post relationship routines that come flooding back in a moment of weakness. For a modern, intelligent, strong and beautiful woman how many licks will it take me until I get to the center of the relationship Tootsie Pop? That is why do I keep going back for more when I know I ill never really get what I want?

Upon further examination I noticed that I am not the only woman who falls into cycles. My cycle, or sickness I like to refer to as “The Wayne’s World Virus.” Also known as the “Just because we broke up doesn’t mean we can’t go out” disease.

My quest: To try and cure my virus (yes, this section may bring me back to being a bit of a control maniac, but I think it could be useful.) and also research other possible diseases that strike other strong, confident and beautiful women in hopes that I can save myself and my fellow female comrades from taking too many licks in the future.

Stay tuned for my diagnoses and the further analysis and cure for WWV (“Wayne’s World Virus.”)



Monday June 9th: “He looks like a Q-tip” sleeping sickness A.K.A. “Get back in the Saddle Again, anything will do, just spend the night with me” disease




*It may seem like I have derailed from the New Phase, but really I am trying to prevent all of the following from occurring in hopes that I can achieve some sort of real relationship of any kind in the near future.