25, 26, 27, 28...Also Known as "What Not To Do."

Your mid twenties are about making one big mistake.


My recent adventures in dating, work, and life in general make me feel like I am trapped in some bizarre manage-et-toi Bermuda triangle where everyday is much more like the first day of my Freshamn year of highschool than the supossed beginning of "real adult life."

Remember that first day of Freshman year? You get up really early for the new eight a.m. start. You are all titillated and excited about the new building, new people, new boys, and the new freedoms that come with being 15 like a better allowance for good grades, days off school to cheer on your Varsity team in a state tournament game, and an innocent first crush on your homecoming date. You coif your hair, and put on way too much make-up to try and look older than you are to try and get noticed by an upper-classman, and you run out of your disheveled and magazine icon covered bedroom to join in the magical merry-go-round that you have heard about from your friends and older siblings known as HIGH SCHOOL.

My life is currently not much different. I get up way too early, in fact I have to be at work at 7:30am. I work in customer service so I meet new people everyday, sometimes much to my chagrin. I wear way too much make-up considering that I work with a bunch of dirt covered boys. My bedroom is covered in an over stimulating amount of "afforable art." I also get experiencing the pleasant new freedoms that come with being 25; like six paid vacation days per year, credit cards with high interest rates, and high risk dating. YES! THIS REAL LIFE!

Real life is like High School on 'ROIDS. (that is short for Steroids)

So, what not to do... yes I have gathered a little mental list here over the past few months of what I would like to call "The Quintessential Twenty Something Mistakes." These are eight mistakes that I have made while on my way to turning 30. That magical age when you hope that life gets a little less complicated and more solidified. I have yet to decide what really happens when 30 hits. It makes me a little nautious to think about it since all I picture are white picked fences, maternity dresses and worst of all WEDDING GOWNS!!!!

Gross.

Again the list making is a total cop-out, but I like lists, and I am all about efficiency, and well... lists are efficent.


In no particualr order: WHAT NOT TO DO! Please use my mistakes, and a few that my friends have made as a guide to a better twenty something life.

8. Moving in with your significant other. Relationships are complicated. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to take two peoples issues and stuff them under the roof of one tiny New York rental?

Mistake Classification: ISSUES MISTAKE! Don't live with your lover.

7. Do not open Banana Republic, Gap, Victoria's Secret, Target or any other kind of store credit card for the immeadiate 10% discount. It is an especially bad idea when you make $9.00 an hour and live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I just finshed paying for my summer wardrobe, and I paid for it not once, but TWICE. I am a moron.

Mistake Classification: FINANCIAL MISTAKE! Don't buy things you can't afford.

6. Do not drink like you are in college...becasue guess what...being really drunk is not beautiful. Even though sometimes I feel a little sexier when I drink I know that I am actually a hot mess.

Mistake Classification: TRASHY MISTAKE! Don't get hammered.

5. Do not drink like you are in college...I just keep getting fatter.
EPIPHANY! Alcohol = Empty Calories.

Mistake Classification: FAT MISTAKE! Don't get hammered.

4. Do not eat like you did when you were in college. I used to finish ski practice and sit down with what my roomates at the time reffered to as my "meal in a bucket." Yes, it was a 12 pound plastic container of Pilsbury Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. I never gained a pound...perhaps that was becasue I was working out two hours a day and instructing white water kyacking twice a week...yeah I am just a tad bit more sedentary now.

Mistake Classification: CELLULITE MISTAKE! Take care of your body.

3. Before I left for college my freshman year my best friend told me, "The Golden Rule to freshman year is do not hook up with anyone in your building, and especially not on your floor." Well...let me see here. I managed to make-out with the guy down the hall within my first 48hours college. Currently, I have managed to date two men in my industry in the last eight months, both were brief and have caused some discomfort at work.

Mistake Classification: AWKWARD MISTAKE! Don't shit on your home or your work.

2. Don't be the wedding hook up girl. Doing this is the new form of what used to be the "house party hook up" in college. Causal permiscuious affairs were fun in college. But now I am all grown up and have something called self respect. One night stands are not as fun as they used to be.

Mistake Classificaion: WRAPPED UP IN THE MOMENT MISTAKE! Love your body.

1. When you break up with someone try to keep it that way. I have gone back and forth for nearly two years with Palo. Let me tell you it has been a giant waste of time, I feel like a fucking hamster spinning on a wheel to no-where. I would like to believe that I am smarter than a rodent. I feel like I have tried everything to get rid of him. Well I have a new REAL crush (update coming in the "Am I Handicapped" blog entry) and I might be able to shake him, but please take some advice from Paul Simon, "The answer is easy if you take it logically...you need a new plan Stan."

Mistake Classification: 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER MISTAKE! Love yourself more.


Love yourself more. Own yourself. Love yourself. Own it all...

'cause you don't need to be coy Roy... just listen to me...

or YOU.