38 Things Technology Has Shown Me

Technology is a really magnificent creation. I recently joined the droves of the technologically plugged in by purchasing my first iPhone. I now live a life of ease. Text messaging has become simple, no more frustrating T9 word to deal with. I can check my email at any moment, and my phone sounds an adorable little ding when I have received a new little note. Best of all I have total access to Facebook.

Technology sucks. Remember when break ups were simple and uncomplicated? That is at least they were somewhat easy to get away from. It used to be so much simpler to cut ties. Remember before the cell phone age when it was pretty damn difficult to get a hold of someone? Before the internet the only way to get a status update was if the ex left a voice message on the old fashioned magnetic tape answering machine. Even back then there was the occasional message that I saved from some guy I would never see again. Back in the day it was always easy for me to delete ex-messages from my answering machine; that may also be because I was 18 the last time that I owned one an answering machine. I don’t think that I had actually fallen in love yet either.

Now with Facebook and Twitter there is a constant feed.

“Palo is moving to Califonia.”

“Palo is working on some great commercial”

“Palo is now friends with some hot ass twenty year old blonde fetus girl who posts videos of him on her Facebook page.”

Okay so maybe I have done a little hunting around since Palo and I were never Facebook friends. (That should have been a red flag after four years). I have established my insanity in previous entries so I take no issue admitting that I am totally nuts. It is complete S&M to secretly check on him.

Last week my boss told me that I need to let go…

I have successfully blocked Palo from the following:

My Gmail
My iPhone
My iChat
My iCal

But I cannot seem to take the next step and block him from my Facebook. And upon my latest search I noticed on the left hand side of the screen a connection that I cannot block:

“You and Palo have 38 friends in common”



iWant my life back.



Yes, as the ultimate includer, sharer and team player I think that I just experience the ultimate torture: Death by 1,000 cuts…or rather 38 common stabs. I managed to suture Palo so deeply into my life and for what? Some bogus learning experience?

iLearned that it is dangerous to get involved.
iLearned that it is hard to share everything with someone.
iLearned that people change.


iWant to ride the train in the morning and not have something remind me of him.
iWant to go to a concert and not pretend that he is standing behind me.
iWant him to come home and lay with me.
iWant it to be like this again:


Email from Palo Summer 2006:

Amor...

Tonight for some reason I've got the urge to be, in your words,
"Lame". I don't do it very often, but now that I've had some time
away from you for the first time in a while certain thoughts have come
to mind that I think maybe I'll share...

I'm a very lucky guy...today on the way home I thought of all of our
little arguments, misunderstandings, all of the 'beef' and
frustrations between us...I thought about the idea of not being with
you, of losing what I've got with you...and well, I really didn't like
it.
You are one of a kind, you're so important to me, and I hope you know
inside in spite of all those times in which you think I don't give a
shit about you, or that youre "not important" to me because I might
not vocalize things enough, that you my dear are the greatest, truly a
fantastic find - "Me gusta"...and that though this time apart is
probably very good, I kinda wish we could put it on hold sometimes for
little bits at a time, like bedtime for instance on a night like this.
A snap of the fingers. CLICK. Oh here you are! (wouldn't that be
nice)...

So there you go, that was my dose of "lameness". I dont' think I can
handle any more than that and well I'm sure you can't either - I hope
I didn't make you "puke in your mouth a little bit". GROSS. Can't we
just say nice things sometimes? I think so, right? No puking. No
lame. Just a little honest and nicely communicated bit of truth.

-ANYWAY -

Consider this a 'check' to see if your e-mail works or not at camp, so
that if it does you might respond promptly and we can continue our
lovely e-memo's throughout the coming weeks.
A couple of reminders:
a) I need your address at camp.
b) You should send me the key to your house when you get a chance.
c) Enjoy yourself at camp, relax, and please for fucks sake be safe
ok...don't do anything stupid, don't go and get yourself struck by
lighting beneath a canoe or some shit or else you'll have serious
consequences on my behalf...oh and say hi to ally and dave for me, and
then also Ben if you see him.

love you much,

-PB


iNever thought it would come to this:

Email from Palo Spring 2007:


PS here are your concert tickets. Forget about the part that said hold one for me, i once wanted to go with you but you should actually do whatever the hell you want with them they’re yours.


Fwd: Your IMOGEN HEAP tickets are attached


iKnew he would be a heart breaker

iHad no idea it would be this hard or take this long to forget him.



Last encounter with Palo was November 2008. Union square subway station.

Next encounter with Palo, tomorrow morning when I wake up, and think about him on the train.


iLove what we were. iWish it could have held steady. iAm glad that we no longer have each other in common, and iHope we stay at 38 things in common. Maybe someday I will find someone who has 100 things in common with me. It might be a better fit.