Teamwork

So today I was at Barnes & Noble in Union square looking to pick up some books for the away shoot that I will be on for the next five weeks. I decided to casually browse around for an hour even though I knew that I was eventually just going to pick up some more Eggers or Didion. By the time I got to the third floor I had worked up an appetite. I noticed the cafe with all of its delectable little pastries, and I thought that I would just quickly browse around and then head over to get a sweet treat.

I then noticed that I had stumbled into: THE CRAZY DIET BOOK SECTION!

1. I saw a diet book that swore by maple syrup and lemon water...hello Lindsey, Nichole, Mary Kate and Ashley. Your secret is out!

2. I was no longer hungry but felt guilty for wanting to eat amongst all these "thinner, leaner, lighter, the only way you will find a mate is if you almost look like your starving" books.

3. Who was the moron that put the diet book section right outside the cafe?


For real? Does Barnes & Noble actually want to sell any of its sweet treats? Cause they should really consider putting the diet books in the basement. Then I got to thinking...

Who designed the layout...cause I would put money on it that it was a man.


Let me just preface this by saying: I am not a man-hater.

I gots to thinkin' about teamwork. I bet it wasn't just one man who decided to put the diet books next to the cafe, I bet it was a team of men. It's not there fault that they don't think like women. They can't. It's impossible! But for real lay-out-designery-type-peeps, put a woman on the team! Or put two, I guarantee that if we different sexes can work together we won't have a diet book/cafe adjacent issue again. And then I will be able to enjoy a damn cookie without feeling like a Heffer cow.

Teamwork.

This is why I'm single

Dear boy missing BVD's,

Thank you for depositing your darling underwear in my building hallway. You have a really small butt! I think your underwear is the same size as the underwear that I used to wear circa 1992. I guess that I'm not the best bar of comparison however. But really I bet you are hungry, we do live in Bushwick where all the hungry artists live. Here's some advice; don't skip lunch tomorrow to buy paint. Instead skip lunch to buy some new undies!

Also thank you for reminding me why I am single, because as disgusting as your underwear is in my hallway I might be more traumatized by seeing you in it!

Much love your gladly single, hispter-man-less neighbor in 307.