This is why I'm single

Dear boy missing BVD's,

Thank you for depositing your darling underwear in my building hallway. You have a really small butt! I think your underwear is the same size as the underwear that I used to wear circa 1992. I guess that I'm not the best bar of comparison however. But really I bet you are hungry, we do live in Bushwick where all the hungry artists live. Here's some advice; don't skip lunch tomorrow to buy paint. Instead skip lunch to buy some new undies!

Also thank you for reminding me why I am single, because as disgusting as your underwear is in my hallway I might be more traumatized by seeing you in it!

Much love your gladly single, hispter-man-less neighbor in 307.